The Peach Tree

We have a peach tree here on the HK Bar. It actually is firmly rooted at the corner of my horse barn. I and my family have lived here for nearly six years and I was just enlightened of the existence of said peach tree last summer. It was a rude awakening when I looked out our back door and saw my mother in law putting fruit in buckets….my fruit……that I didn’t even know existed. How is it you ask that I didn’t even know we had a fruit tree? Well I was married in 2008, had our first daughter in 2009 and our second daughter in 2013….and our third daughter in 2013. No that WAS NOT a typo on the years of my last two daughters. After having our first daughter naturally we struggled through fertility for nearly two years and then bam! Two for the price of one ten and a half months apart. So needless to say I am just now seeing the light through the fog of bottles, diapers, spit up , and up all nights……and what do I see through the fog?… mother in law picking peaches from a tree that stood at the corner of the one and only most important building to me on our farm….my beloved horse barn….then it hit me. I had been so busy raising my girls I had lost my one true love outside my family… horses….and it took that damn peach tree to make me realize it. It was at that very moment that I realized a piece of my being so dear to me had been viciously ripped away from me at the very moment each of my daughters were born. Harsh? Yes, it is. I love my daughters more than anything or anyone in this world or any other. I live and breathe for my girls , but I’m not a martyr,  and I realized I had been acting as one. I had recently been feeling sorry for myself and find g myself jealous of my husband. He actually got a break and got to leave! He wasn’t the one surrounded by three beings that literally suck the life from you and demand every last ounce of who you are. I envied him his quiet drive to work, his ability to shower AND brush his teeth DAILY.  Meanwhile I was walking around in zombie mode with a screaming toddler who was barely potty trained and two needy infants. I was happy and so very blessed, but the color started to leak back into the picture when the peach tree smacked me in the face and I realized I had lost touch with my one true passion other than my family, the only thing I ever felt good at, the only thing I ever felt deeply rooted to, the only thing that made me feel sick to my stomach happy… horses.

      I remember the moment my mother in law looked up from her work and smiled and waved. I stood there at our back door, uncombed hair tied up in a half hearted ponytail, yesterday’s oversized t shirt complete with day old and more recent spit up, and a pair of raggy maternity jeans. I made a decision there that I wanted more than just colorful edges….I wanted the whole bright painting…..I wanted my horses back.

        That very night when my husband got home from work  I promptly set the table for supper, loaded plates for kids, made sure the baby had had a bottle….and I ran…..straight to the horse barn, straight to the peach tree……I knew I had nearly thirty minutes till my family would once again demand my attention and I had a plan. I caught my old horse and saddled him quickly,  dusty saddle and all I felt blood rushing in my ears. My old moldy reigns felt like nothing in the world in my hands. Pulling myself into my saddle I felt muscles and tendons protest. Areas of my body that I hadn’t used in months had gone weak. The moment my rear landed in the saddle and my old thoroughbred Magic turned his head to look back at me my world ignited. The color flooded in and I was home. I was nothing in that moment other than United with my horse and all the calm I could ever ask for flooded around the two of us.  The thing that shone brightest of all was the green in the leaves of the peach tree nestled so closely to the horse barn.

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