The Child I Never had would be ten years old this December. Every year that passes I think about who this person would have been. Would he have looked like me? Would she have loved horses like her little sisters?
Where have ten years gone? Where is that scared to death eighteen year old little girl that had an unplanned pregnancy?
She’s right here.
She’s now a twenty eight year old mother of three (or does it count as four?), she is a professional nurse, an accomplished horseman, a devoted and loyal wife, a friend to many, and someone that now lives like every day is her last.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the child I never had.
At eighteen you think you know what life is about. At eighteen you think you know what love is. At eighteen you think you can just close your eyes and everything will be better in the morning.
At eighteen you are shocked that you could have gotten yourself in this situation. How could that eighteen year old girl be so careless?
And sometimes God has other plans. Sometimes for whatever reason He sees fit to change the story.
At eighteen when they tell you there will be no baby after all you secretly feel releived to have escaped a horrible mess you have gotten yourself into, then you cry because a part of you has literally died.
At twenty eight you know you don’t know what life is about. You just do the best you can and try to do right. At twenty eight you have a deep respect for love and you realize it’s not a fast car and pretty words but someone who would give you their last breath,and its someone who spends every day being loyal and honest and good. At twenty eight you realize that you should close your eyes and sleep well, things won’t be ok overnight, but if you’re rested you can sure as hell figure it out.
At twenty eight you realize that eighteen year old girls make mistakes all the time. You realize it doesn’t make them bad or stupid….it makes them foolish and inexperienced.
All too often I think people keep silent about the passing of a child. They tiptoe around the fact that there was a loss. For whatever reason people think by keeping silent they will save someone embarrassment, or reliving pain , or many other reasons I can only speculate.
There is no shame in remembering a life, however short it may have been. We are all worth being thought about.
You are loved. You are missed. You are thought of.
That’s what I would tell the child I never had.
This is for all the parents who have lost a child. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily and I would like to make a stand and celebrate that life, however brief it may have been, as it was just as precious as the next.