The Lapsed Catholic Brought Back to the Flock by a 5 Year old Shepard

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“Mama, I want you to take me to mass on Sunday. I want to know God like you know him.”

This is what my five year old daughter Boo told me two weeks ago. I felt a rush of shame. She put so much faith in me by saying she wanted to know God like I do. Honestly, I don’t want her to know God like I know him. I want her to know him better.

I was baptized Catholic, went to Catholic school, and was raised by Catholic standards. I have had a long absence from the Catholic Church. For ten years or better I have avoided the church. Why? A variety of reasons, I was young, then I was too busy for church, then I disagreed with some of the church’s teachings and views, and then I drifted away completely.

Then I drifted further away when I felt shame for not being married in the Catholic church, or not having any of my three daughters baptized. A wedge was driven. Not by the church, but by me. No one was judging me, I was judging myself.

So at my daughters request we went to mass that Sunday. Sitting in that pew felt like coming home. I was greeted by warm smiles and honest fellowship. Some of the attendants I recognized from my days at Catholic church and school. The priest’s words held meaning for me, and I did feel a little closer to God.

All this time I have been the one turning my back. Making excuses to turn away. I have driven the invisible wedge. It has been my own doing. And my own undoing.

I am thankful that I chose to send Boo to preschool at the Catholic school I myself went to. They have planted a seed of faith in her heart for God that I hadn’t.

I am thankful for my five year old shepherd that has brought me, the lost sheep, back to the flock.

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On our way to Sunday Mass

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3 thoughts on “The Lapsed Catholic Brought Back to the Flock by a 5 Year old Shepard

  1. Thank you for commenting on my post today, While reading your post my eyes filled with tears when you wrote, “Sitting in that pew felt like coming home.” I had a physical overwhelming rush of emotions. I cannot wait to feel that. I too disagree with some teachings and views, but in the end the church is just a bridge to my path with God and I have made peace that I don’t need to agree 100% in order to celebrate my faith. I am now following your blog and I look forward to reading more. Thank you again!

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