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The Value of Something

This post is brought to you upon inspiration from my new old ugly horse trailer. Yes, I’m serious.

My husband came home with my new trailer about a week ago. He has always known I’d like to have a three Horse with a small tack area, and a nose cone I could put an air mattress in and sleep. And here it is! I have to laugh because he kept telling me how old and ugly it was before he brought it home. He said he wanted to prepare me for what I was actually getting and not some built up image in my mind.

Which brings me to my point. The value of something is individual to ones perception. For example my husband thought I may be a little disappointed with my new trailer. When in fact, I am so completely happy. It is exactly what I hoped for. Sure it needs a door latch instead of the bungee cord that is in place now, and the back doors need put back on, and two boards need replaced. BUT I HAVE A HORSE TRAILER I ALWAYS WANTED!!!!!

I had a friend once tell me that I’m “always just so dang thankful!” And I’m happy that I have this outlook, because as Cliche as it may seem, I am thankful….for everything in my life. So don’t let someone make you feel bad for seeing the value of something in your own life that may not shine to others.

A mutt dog isn’t worth less than a pedigree pooch.

A state university education isn’t any more valuable than a hard knocks university education.

A suit and tie doesn’t mean more power than jeans and boots.

And an old paint peeled three Horse with a bungee cord door latch isn’t any worse than a brand new aluminum.

You yourself can only determine the value of something …..

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These Telling Eyes

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Anyone who knows me will say I often wear a cap of some sort. I often hide my eyes under my Irish cap in the winter. I can escape under this cap. If you can’t see my eyes, no one knows what I’m thinking, no one knows how I feel, no one knows where my attention is. Quite frankly I like it that way. Some might call me a coward, or a control freak, but that’s really not the truth. The truth is my eyes tell it all. A single look can tell you everything you ever wanted to know about me, what I’m feeling, thinking, or analyzing. For someone like me whose eyes betray them, a little anonymity is a blessing.

I find myself looking into the eyes around me and here is what I found………

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Bo

These are the kindest eyes I know. They are always trying to catch mine, and they often do. You see these eyes are alot like mine. They give every emotion away and seem only to pour out endless patience, support, and unconditional love.

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Tucker

From these eyes shine undying loyalty and a friendly, but firm message to everyone. I will protect what is mine fiercely, please don’t misjudge my warmth and kindness for weakness. These are the eyes of a champion, a loyal, aging knight that loves his kingdom.

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Bullet

These eyes soak up all the details around them. Slow, quick, somewhere in between they don’t miss anything. They have a certain pleading quality. Love me. They have a bit of ornriness in  them, with a touch of fierce and a dash of wild.

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Eli

And these eyes like to hide. I find a kindred spirit in these hiding eyes. They are eyes that are  currently needing to recharge, because when they are awake they shine at full brightness. Full force, with the grace and glory of an Egyptian Royal.

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Blitz

These eyes are still filling with character. They show a wariness for life. Do I belong here? Will I stay in this beautiful world forevor? Or is this just another stepping stone like my last place? But those eyes also have wild abandon in them, and a free spirit so fierce it may never slow down if it gets out.

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Katelyn

These eyes are wise and maybe a bit road weary. Intelligence and a humble, willing spirit reside there. These eyes have spoken to dozens of children, raising them up into confident people. Often being forgotten for faster, wilder, grown up dreams. But these eyes have found a place to rest among a forevor place. The weariness is fading into golden bliss and comfort. Oh the stories these eyes could tell!

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Jo

These eyes are deep. So much lies within, that every time you look into them you will see something different. At first glance they are stubborn, strong, and fierce. But once you know these eyes you will see softness, willingness, and a motherly instinct so heavy you might just get lost in its folds if you look to long.

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Flash

These eyes have fresh perspective. They exude a lady like grace and have so much potential they leak a spirit filled with willing abandon to life. These eyes are so mature for as little as they have seen. Old eyes in young form.

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Romeo

And lastly I come upon these eyes. They are strong, steady, and confident. With a hint of stubborn and a deep well of love of herd, that encompasses his little human herd. These eyes are teaching eyes, with a bouncy nature that goes on for years.

Eyes will often tell more than words. Once you learn to interpret them, you will often hear entire conversations being held there. These eyes of ours often are more honest than our words.

What are the eyes around you saying? Or are they hiding their secrets under an Irish cap?

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Flash; Flinthillspaintedlady Training Day #10

Flash and I took yesterday off due to her having a swollen front leg. Nothing too worrying, just a little puffy and a couple scrapes from yours truly, Rose, kicking Flash. This morning I took Rose from Flash’s paddock, back to the mini pasture. As mean to Flash as Rose has been Flash whinnied the whole time. While I was down between pastures I fed the big horses Jo, Katelyn, and Romeo.

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Romeo (forground) Jo (center) Katelyn (rear)

It is 38°F today on the HK and the wind is a force to be reckoned with. I could still hear Flash calling even from the back paddocks, so I decided to try some different company for her. I caught one of our older mini mares, Louise. She is generally good natured and not much of a kicker. She will defend her food but that’s about all.

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Louise and I

All I had with me was Flash’s halter, so poor little Louise drowned in it, but she didn’t seem to mind.

So back to the barn we went. Louise was happily trotting Flash’s paddock and Flash was looking at me like who is this!?

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Louise rolling and Flash wondering "Whom is this?"

Louise happily rolled around and Flash was very interested in her.

We did grooming, cleaning and picking up all four feet, and lead training.

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Flash practicing her Left side flex.

Flash did not want to be caught today. I think  she was too interested in what Louise was doing. Had some trouble moving out. Flash would just stop walking and stare at me. But as always I gave her a break and she came around quickly.

We kept today pretty short (30 minutes) due to several factors of Flash’s leg still being a bit swollen, a new roommate in Louise, and its terribly cold and windy. But I look forward to the next “training” session.

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Settling in for breakfast nicely. No kicking or squealing!

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The Time My Hair Fell Out; My journey with Hoshimotos

They say that time takes it’s toll on a body
Makes a young girl’s brown hair turn gray
But, honey, I don’t care, I ain’t in love with your hair
And if it all fell out, well, I’d love you anyway

The above is from a Randy Travis song titled “Forevor and Ever Amen”. I remember discussing the song with my husband a decade ago when he was still just my boyfriend. I’ll never forget what he said.

” I agree with Randy. You aren’t your hair, its just something that’s there.”

I remember thinking how sweet! He loves me for me.

Fast forward a decade and I find myself sick to my stomach from all the hair that is falling out in what seems like in the millions. I know why its happening. A little over two years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease. It is an autoimmune disease where basically my body attacks my thyroid and causes malfunction. Alopecia, or hair loss, is just one of a thousand symptoms that is a direct product of Hashimotos.

I find myself checking my part and my hairline. Can anybody else notice all the hair I’ve lost? I look back at pictures and I mourn the loss of my prior self with a head full of thick hair. I get teary eyed and moan to myself Why me? Why me?

I speak to my husband about it. My eyes brimming with tears as I confess I’m terrified I’m losing my hair. He just hugs me and says I look beautiful.

I speak to  a close friend about it. She thinks I’m joking until I send her a picture of my hair line. She quickly texts back “Oh crap! For real!” Then before I can text she texts “Its OK you can totally rock the comb over. You’re awesome like that.”

And then I cry.

I don’t cry because my hair is falling out in droves. I don’t cry because my feelings are hurt. I don’t cry because I have to deal with Hashimotos. I cry because I’ve been so blind. I had been missing the point all along.

My friends and family love me for me . They don’t love my hair, or lack of hair. They love me because I am me.

So in the mean time my Physician is running more bloodwork to see where my count is and see if we need to increase my thyroid medicine I take daily.

From the HK Bar to the world, its what makes you you that people love. It’s the inside. The heart and soul and personality, not the wrapping.

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Training Day

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Boo aboard her Quarter Pony, Romeo, and trainer Erin

Today was a great day. Boos trainer worked with her on her horse Romeo. After a long winter Romeo all but loaded himself in the horse trailer.

Last year Boo competed in lead line where I had a lead on the horse in the arena; but she says she wants to do walk trot western pleasure this year. Which means no lead, no mom right there beside her. I admire her will to learn new things and try to move forward with her skills.

Boo’s trainer, Erin, is so good with her. She is soft when she needs to be, and she pushes Boo when she needs it as well. I am so impressed with her coaching skills. I am thankful for someone who can teach Boo more confidence and horsemanship skills.

Up until now I have taught Boo about horses. I am by no means an expert. But I taught her the basic safety skills and such. As she moves forward in her skill levels I found myself struggling with how to teach her. I was often on the verge of losing patience myself. I didn’t want to be the parent shouting at her kid in frustration.

I want Boo to learn responsibility, work ethic, and patience through riding horses. I could care less if the day comes she decided she didn’t want to show. I want her to love horses for the pure joy of it.

I took great joy in watching her ride today. I saw her smile big and I saw her achieve just a little bit more.

Whether she shows lead line one more year, or whether she moves forward to walk trot, I am so proud of the rider and of the person she is becoming.

I am thankful for a knowledgeable trainer to guide not only Boo, but myself in teaching her what’s next in her riding.

Heels down and eyes up Captain Boo, you’re going places.

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The Only Thing I’ve Truly Mastered in Life

I was hard on myself. I was prone to putting myself down. Feelings of self doubt and inadequacy were drowning me.

I was always frustrated with myself. Why couldn’t I be more fit? why couldn’t I  go a whole day without wanting to tune out my kids? Why couldn’t I be the creative member of the PTO projects? Why couldn’t I have more patience with life? Why wasn’t my house picked up and decorated better?

Why? Why? Why?

I realized its because I am human. I remember the turning point in my life. I had returned to showing horses and barrel racing after more than a decade out of the arena. I found great joy in showing horses. But I found myself struggling with all that self doubt in the arena. It all began again. I’m out of shape and my horse isn’t groomed to the nines. My horse isn’t fancy broke with western pleasure gaits. Blah blah blah… 

I was lying to myself. I was self sabotaging. My then four year old daughter,Boo was showing as well. And I was trying to set a good example. But I was struggling. The moment of change came when she said,
“I just want to be better than myself.”

Profound words from my four year old.

At four years old Boo had the meaning of happiness and life nailed.

So I lied, there is nothing in life I have truly mastered. But I’m now OK with that.

From then on i have seen life through different eyes. I’m not perfect, life isn’t perfect. The beauty is learning to be better than who I was yesterday, and learning to be present In the doubt, the chaos,  and the uncertainty. Its living for the moment , its smiling and feeling unsure and uncertain but going ahead anyway no matter the outcome.

From the HK Bar to the world, be better than yourself.