The past few weeks have been extremely difficult for me. My sweet Tucker passed, and then suddenly our sweet Bo did too. To me these souls weren’t “just dogs”, they were a part of my family. They worked, played, and lived beside me. What non farm and ranch people don’t always realize is that this can be a lonely way of life. Often days upon days will go by that I don’t speak to another human other than my girls and husband. That’s where my dogs (and horses) come in. They become my company. They become the friend that lends a hug when I’m sad. They become the sympathetic ear I spill my guts to. They become the Happy, wiggling, excited dance party buddy when I have a moment of excitement. They become the copilot in the truck. They become my protector, willing to lay thier life down to save mine (even if it is just from the mailman). They become the best friend a person could ever ask for. And there I was, suddenly lost, without my two best buddies.
And then Bullet laid her head in my lap as I ugly cried. I looked into her eyes and she licked my face, shoved her paw in my hand and leaned her head in close. I smiled despite the snot and tears running down my face. Because in that moment I realized Bullet and I were just meant to be. She’s my non person person.
Husband and Bullet
Our little blue girl, Bullet, was meant to be my husbands dog. She gave her full loyalty to me when I took over her training. Now that she is nicely finished, it was time to turn her attention back to her original purpose; being my husband’s partner.
Over the past few weeks I have distanced myself from her. It was very difficult for me as I have really grown to like her. I would gladly take her on as my horse show partner to rode in the truck and guard the trailer on trips. Bit i have my goofy little Blitz coming up in ranks for that job.
So Kevin has assumed her daily care and excersize, and she has finally stuck to him like a burr on thick cotton. I am both sad and pleased at the same time. My husband lost his very good blue male about two years ago, and he never did quite recover I don’t think from the loss. So happy for him, but a little bittersweet for me. I get attached easily. 😉
So my little turncoat has officially swapped loyalties. And i couldn’t be happier.
Kevin and Bullet moving horses
Last week Bullet had a spay surgery done. Yesterday her suture site dehissed and guts hanging out EVERYWHERE. Cue emergency trip to the vet. Sedation…..guts back in….resuture…stay the night…
Then this morning I picked up my sweet Bullet ensconced in her Satellite Dish. I’m really hoping she pi ks up some great channels as she is on strict fest for two weeks…..ummm really a blue heeler on rest? This should be interesting….
Wish us luck!
I’m not dead, proof above. I have really been focusing on my health and my family. I have unfortunately been distanced from family and friends while I focus on my journey. Other than my girls and husband, I just haven’t been around to “check in” with people as often as I usually do.
I have been logging at least two miles a day (except that one or two days I missed) jogging (OK, it’s more like run, jog, walk…..OK come on body….run, jog, walk….come on again!). Bullet and Blitz have been my ever present partners in this struggle to train for a 5 k. They are my inspiration. Every time I feel like quitting I look over to see Blitz’s goofy smile that seems to say Come on Mom! We got this! Keep going! We were born to run! And then I look over at Bullet and she has her ears back and head down focusing so intently on one foot in front of the other. My precious rescue dogs that don’t know the meaning of quit.
Blitz (left) and Bullet (right) with a photo bomb from Bo during our run today.
I started this journey March 1st, and can’t believe how far I’ve come! At first I couldn’t even jog continuously for a quarter of a mile. Now I’m knocking on crushing a mile. No matter how much I hurt or struggle, I have to remind myself I’m making strides, even when I do some falling up.
About a mile into our run my legs really start to burn. This is the moment I really consider going back to my comfy couch. But then I push forward, I recommit, and I push on through that burn until it’s just glorious pain. Glorious pain? Yep, it’s the pain that reminds me I’m pushing myself. It’s the pain that reminds me that nothing worth doing is easy.
So that’s where I’ve been….Making Strides, Falling Up, and reveling in that Glorious pain.
I haven’t been on much. This week brought the stomach flu to all three of my children. I’ll spare you the details, but I will say I’m a nurse and even I haven’t seen that much vomit in many years! But we seem to all be on the mend now.
Despite the setbacks I have continued to get in my two miles at least once a day. It feels good to be moving, and I’m also connecting with the dogs more. Especially my two young cattle dogs in training. Bullet our two year old blue heeler, and Blitz our nearly one year old Border collie. Bullet is actually to be my husbands working dog, but i took over her training about December when his work schedule became very heavy. Needless to say, I can happily say she has progressed so much, but she has however bonded pretty strongly to me. Kevin tried to take her with him yesterday to feed cattle with him, and she refused to load up for him. She stood behind my legs pearing through at him and then up at me. Her pleading eyes said it all. It was like she was asking How can you send me away with him? I belong with you! So begrudgingly I asked her to load up. She did so, and never took her eyes off of me. I think she was wondering how I could betray her. Kevin said she spent the trip not working, but rounded up in a ball on the passenger seat ignoring him. When she got home she was all tail wags and back to being glued to my legs. I doubt he tries to take her back out with him. Neither one of us said anything about it. There was the silent understanding that Bullet doesn’t owe him her loyalty, and she won’t be convinced to work with him. I’m her person, and we all three see that clearly now.
Bullet always glued to my side.
And Mr. Blitz is a born marathoner. He is a very encouraging little guy. Always happy to trot along at my turtle pace, but smiling so big when I pick it up to a jog. He absolutely loves this, and that makes me so happy. Bullet goes, but she doesn’t enjoy it like Blitz does! She seems to feel like she needs to be there since I’m there.
Blitz says lets get a move on!
So anyhow that’s been Life on The HK Bar between vomit, working out, and grooming/excersizing horses for the upcoming show season!
Do you have something you have wanted to do for days? For weeks? For months? For years?
Stop and think about what it is you want to do, to achieve, to possess, to embody.
Now ask yourself Why haven’t you done it yet?
Did you silently list why you don’t have enough money to do it? Not enough time? Not enough energy? Or maybe it was a million other reasons I tell myself Why I can’t achieve something.
But you see these things we tell ourselves are lies, are excuses. We build ourselves nice walls and barriers between our dreams and reality. We defeat ourselves before we even start!
So today I am telling myself it’s time to start! It’s time to find a way. It’s time to cast aside doubt and negativity. It’s time to do the best I can with what I have! The time is now!
That’s what I am telling myself. What are you telling yourself?
The thing I dream about? Being healthy. Running again. I’m not running yet, but today I took my first steps to those dreams. And four of the five HK Bar stable dogs were right there by my side to cheer me on!
Bullet and Blitz continue with thier training. Bullet is Beginning to be very reliable, and only sneaks up on the horses about once a week. The rest of the time she has been behaving herself. She is a great little girl, and her body is really starting to mature. She is a slab of muscle, and she continues to seek out my attention frequently. She will dash off and then I find her right back at my heels. Bullet is supposed to be my husband’s dog, but I think it’s safe to say she is one of my pack now.
Blitz still drags the leash everywhere. He likes to chase cars, thank heavens he hasn’t caught one yet. The goofball has not attempted to chase the cows or horses again. I think the hiding he took the last time has stuck with him. He is a sweet boy. Quite a bit more independent than Bullet. He will run far and wide with no worry to seeking out my attention. He is getting better with his recall, and he stands nicely to be pet. Such a lively boy!
Until next time!