As I’m getting ready to get the girls’ breakfast around Boo rushes over with a mug of water to put in the microwave. She says, “Your coffee has to come before our breakfast.” I say, “That’s really sweet, but you guys should get your breakfast before I get my coffee.” Boo gives me a half hearted grin and says, “No Mom you are so wrong!” I say, “Why shouldn’t I fix your breakfast first?” Boo chuckles and says, “Because you microwaved my corn flakes last week…. you need coffee before you do the things…priorities Mama, priorities…”
#keepinitreal #ionlydidthatonce! #reallifeatthestaleyhouse
Do you ever have those moments as a parent that you just want to shout, “No! No! No! ITS MINE YOU CANT HAVE IT TO!” Because your children 👶 suck the ever loving life right the hell out of you? I mean really I gave up my body, my personal space, my time… I gave up sleeping in (ooooh I miss this one), eating candy outside of the pantry (because really the kids can hear that friggin crinkly wrapper a mile away) , and the list goes on…. My point? Well, sometimes in my parenting journey I just want to have something left for myself. As you can see from the above picture I can’t even eat a buttered sweet potatoe without someone pleading with thier eyes to share with them. Oi vay!
Here are a few simple ways I take back a little for myself even in a busy stay at home mom way of life:
- Write yourself into your schedule! Do you keep a planner? Block off some time just for yourself to read a book, pull weeds, lockbox, or whatever it is that you do by yourself that recharges you. All to often I get so wrapped up in everyone else’s schedule of needs I forget to make time for my own.
- Embrace nap time 😴! If your kids still take naps STOP ✋ trying to dash around like a crazy person trying to get all those chores done “while you have time” and they are asleep. I know it’s tempting but really, just leave the clothes and dirty dishes were they are. Take the time to recharge your own battery. Catch some zzzzzs! If your kids have outgrown nap time, implement quiet time were all electronics are off and it’s books and quiet toys only.
- Get up early or go to bed later than you usually do. Don’t get me wrong sleep is important! But even fifteen minutes to yourself sometimes makes all the difference.
- Limit your extracurriculars. All those activities that have you running kids back and forth all week? Yeah those! Sit down and really consider which ones to keep. I tell my girls one sport or extracurricular at a time. Less time on those makes my girls really appreciate the activity they choose and value it. They get so much more out of it and it frees up so much time!
- Ask yourself “What can I delegate?” My seven year old can unload the dishwasher. Will she do it exactly like I would? No, not at all! And sometimes I’ll have to deal with my favorite coffee cup being put way in the back. But my point is she CAN do it, and it frees me up from doing it and it teaches her responsibility and basic life skills. And I always try to tell my kids hey let’s get our team spirit on and get the chores knocked out first so then we can ALL PLAY!
So when I’m on the verge of mommy melt down time I try to take a step back and reimplement these tips. I re-evaluate and more often than not if I’m following my own advice I feel so much better! Hope this helps!
So my therapist is quite hairy. He has a strange habit of raw hide bones, and he sometimes smells as if he has rolled in something not so alive anymore. But for all his quirks he has the best talk medicine. Silence. He listens without judgment. He looks on with those big soulful eyes as I spill my doubts, worries, and problems. I am so thankful for such a kind soul that makes my life so much more whole. So cheers to Dr. Blitzen Manuel and his life altering therapy!
Where do you blog? I often wonder about trivial things like this. While I am reading different blogs I wonder if the person is blogging from some beautiful beach somewhere as the sun comes up, or are they blogging from the bowels of a dark castle that seeps moisture, or maybe from a more ordinary place like an office cubicle; possibly blogging while they are truly supposed to be working their day job. I assure you, where I blog from is a mix of all three of these places I’ve mentioned above. The HK Bar is where I blog 99% of the time. Sometimes my view is the porch scene you see above. With my little people painting, coloring, or simply running about with the dogs and sometimes a miniature horse being drug across the lawn as my three little girls become Cowboys and Indians. I often blog standing up at my kitchen counter and it takes me hours to complete one post because I am also trying to run the farm, cook meals, watch kids, make phone calls, etc etc etc. And sometimes, during that 1% that I am not blogging from the HK Bar, I am blogging as I wait in the grocery store line, or have a five minute break working as a nurse, or when I’m sitting in the parking lot after I get off of a nursing shift. I am never really NOT blogging. In my head at least I am always thinking of something to write about. I generally think about epic posts in my head, only to sit down in front of the computer to realize I have forgotten them more quickly than I have composed them in my head.
So today, From the HK Bar I m sending out this question into the great unknown to ask, “Where do you blog?” I have a feeling it will interest me more than what you might think. Are you the beach blogger? The castle blogger? The cubicle blogger?
Phase three was a total slam dunk! I keep thinking one of these phases is going to fall flat on its face and give me a reality check. it has been going so well! Ugh my pessimism creeps up sometimes. I am a bit of a serial realist. Ouch, hurts to admit. Anywho, phase three of operation romance I planned yesterday morning, the day of. I know talk about last minute, but hey, I can work under a time crunch and really let’s face reality, A day designed specifically for him just needs to include food and entertainment that can hold his attention. THe key to designing a date tailored specifically to one person is to actually know what would make that person happy. My husband isn’t a Neanderthal, but close. So basically I guess I have to admit I had a slam dunk from the word go. I mean really, my husband would have been happy to have no children in the house and stay in bed with a pizza and sex for the night. He would literally have been as happy as a rhody at a Duran Duran concert.
But that’s not what happened….well…completely. Having some respect for our private lives I will say his date started off with the kids going off to the babysitter and him getting to spend some time in bed…taking a nap….
After his nap he was much refreshed. He commented how sweet it was for me to think of that, and I secretly fist pumped (seriously NOT a sexual innuendo here) my victory in the bathroom as I prepared for phase two. I mean really score one for team Heather.
I then whisked him away to his favorite place to eat. Longhorns Steakhouse in Lawrence, Kansas. I took the liberty of ordering for him. Starters were a bud light bottle for him and “make sure it’s cold” (I’m sure the waitress thought I was a real control freak) and a strawberry margarita for me. The husband was impressed with my skills I could tell. Or actually it was probably because I’m a huge non drinker and I get all frowny and pissy faced when he usually orders a beer. (A little back story though my husband used to be a big drinker. Not alcoholic , just more than what pushed my comfor t zone. Oh to have been raised in an alcoholic family. It damages you somehow. But that’s fotter for another story). Then I commenced to ordering Chicken strips with french fries WITH barbecue sauce and ranch dressing. Because my husband can’t stand honey mustard and eats barbecue sauce on everything. Seriously, I told you he was the human being most closely related to the Neanderthal living! We chatted through supper like we were newly dating and getting to know each other. All the while I am thinking where is this coming from? Usually by now I’m irritated because he is spending two dollars on a beer and all I can think is how irresponsible that is with my hard earned money. (HAHA right he is the one that works three jobs. Ok so I’m possessive. …..can I also blame this on thoses alcoholic members of my childhood??) We just enjoyed supper. I had to check my mouth a couple of times from discussing bills and other concerns I Have for the planning period for the HK Bar for next calendar year. I decided no business talk on his date. I mean really Ithink that is why I stress him out so much is because all I can think of is finance, planning, what’s next what’s next……I get it though, seriously from his point of view he works sixteen hour days and then comes home to three screaming children that want his full attention and a wife that is bitching because the finances are so tight you could bounce an elephant off of them. Like seriously I’d be thinking of doing a runner in his place. Maybe he fantasizes about it…. But back to supper. It was fantastic. Period.
I next took him to a movie that he has been talking about for weeks. ‘War Dogs’. But realized a flaw in my planning. We had an hour to kill in between supper and movie. That’s when my Neanderthal, I mean my husband stepped up his game to impress me. He said let me take YOU somewhere for the next hour. All I could think was Great he is gong to take my to some very public place and want to have sex in our new Yukon. (The back cargo area is huge), And then the police are going to come and arrest me and then I’ll go to jail for the first time in my life at thirty years old because I had my naked ass up in the air in the back of our family vehicle in the middle of a populated area…..” Seriously the struggle is real inside my head sometimes. But he took me to a book store close out. Big red signs of 70% off flashed everywhere. BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS! And all at dirt cheap prices. This is the precise moment my husband turned from Neanderthal to Prince Charming. He so gets me . I love books. So for the next hour I put armfuls of books into a cart pushed by my husband who followed me silently like a loyal dog. God I love that man.
Then it was on to the movie. War Dogs was the typical stuff based on a true story I’m a gun runner badass……. I did enjoy it. A little. Not as much as the bookstore, but I lived. My husband was grinning like a kid at Christmas on the drive home. And then he said the magic words….”That was the perfect date night, thank you Baby”. I melted into the seat and closed my eyes after those words. Phase three had been a success! And all I could do was smile. ……and start planning PHase Four of Operation Romance…….
Seriously though, in the twelve years with my husband, I have so killed the romance in our relationship. I used to be the one that tried to find the perfect gift for him for holidays. I would always send thoughtful and sometimes naughty (not like x-rated, more like a smidge between pg-13 and R) text messages, I would always beg to be snuggled, etc. etc. I could sit here and type all the mushy crap I used to do, but then I’d be repulsed at myself and have to cringe a little remembering such drivel. (Why do I think it is drivel now a days? )
When did I really cut Romance’s throat? For the life of me I can’t say that I can put my finger on a particular space of time that I said to myself, “Ok, this lovey dovey crap just has to end, NOW!” Because really I am truly a romantic at heart. I always want the couple to fall in love and live a happy every after. I always ooh and ahhh when I see a couple basking in some romantic event or occasion.
So why have I cut it out in my own marriage?
I honestly, for the life of me cannot answer this question. I think as time has passed I have just slowly done less and less. I quit putting the effort in for whatever hundred thousand reasons I can think of, until here I am today, knowing I don’t do anything romantic anymore for my husband.
One thing I do know is that I love my husband very much. He is the only person that can make me as mad as he can and I still know at the end of the day that I want him with me. Even if he is a big old idiot sometimes. He’s still my person. So I think I will be putting some effort into breathing life back into Romance. Maybe, if I am lucky I haven’t really killed him off completely. Maybe he can be rescusitated.
So the research begins to bring Romance back to life. I am thinking the first thing I will attempt is 1. Write him a love letter 2. Plan a date that is all about HIM. And past that is where my view becomes hazy. But hey, it is a start. What are some romantic things you have done for your significant other? What does romance even mean to you?
After I put some ideas together I will update you on how this journey goes for me! I look forward to hearing your thoughts and suggestions on this one!
Going to have a bit of a rant here. Will try to make it constructive. Possibly…… I’m. Just going to throw this out there. I have realized as time goes by that I have less and less time for people and their drama. I have no time to entertain other people’s fantasy crises. I have no time to ponder the should have/would have/could haves with people unless it directly effects me. I find myself not answering phone calls, emails, messages, and even the door when it is someone whom I feel like is going to suck more energy from me. I mean really ain’t nobody got time for that! Sound selfish?
Maybe it is. But really I put one hundred percent effort into my family and farm, and frankly, there just isn’t much left to go around after them. I don’t feel an ounce guilty about focusing on myself and my family (and the small group of friends I consider family). Because really at the end of the day energy spent elsewhere is just a waste. Now, I’m not talking about volunteering, church, being part of my community, etc. I’m talking about the relationships that just plain suck you dry. The ones that take valuable time and attention, and you foster them because you feel like you have to or you feel obligated, or you feel sorry for someone.
I have to admit for a long while I was always the person that tried to be nice and attentive to everyone else. I tried to tiptoe lightly, not rock the proverbial boat, tried to always consider everyone before myself etc. and you know where that got me? Tired. That’s where it got me. Tired.
So today when I received a text message from someone I knew was a complete drain, instead of entertaining them with few worded , half hearted , agreeable responses, I simply text back. I’m sorry I am not able to talk right now, I am cooking and busy making memories with my girls. And you know what?
They didn’t text back AT ALL.
What a relief! So cheers to no more unnecessary distractions, cheers to cutting dead weight. Cheers to more energy and time spent where it needs to be.
Take your bullshit elsewhere cuz really AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!